Lost and Finding Joy

They say religion divides people. If it was religion, then we could say ethnicity, political preference, gender, career – i.e. being an athlete, a writer, a grocery store clerk…a “whatever your identity“…divides people. I know there are some religions that speak out against other religions. I’ve never been a fan of that. You can say the same about some people in certain ethnic groups, or political preferences. Some speak out against whoever’s not like them. Others speak out for one another – living and letting live – giving each other the freedom to be who we are in all of our distinguishable, beautiful own ways of being. It’s individual beliefs and perceptions that divide us, not religion.

Even though I sat in an auditorium when the leader of my church said, “Other churches have truth in them…” I bought into the whole “religion divides” mentality for about 10 years.

Of course the religion we choose is a big deal. It becomes a huge part of our identity, especially the way others view us. That’s probably the main reason I decided to go my own way, without a religious label, for all those years. I didn’t want to be identified as the Mormon girl anymore. I didn’t feel like I could live up to that label anyways. I would never be the “Molly Mormon” who LDS girls tend to compare themselves with. I was far too curious about the world. I couldn’t just do as I was told and not experience other things. No. I wanted to know the truth. I wanted to know if the grass was greener. I wanted to know if I was living a lie. I wanted to know if God really was the loving Father that I was taught or was God something even bigger. Maybe God didn’t exist at all. Maybe we were all just here by happenstance. I wanted to know. Am I a child of God? If so, I wanted nothing more than to please God. I just needed to know.

While I was working on getting those answers, I didn’t realize how hard I was working to prove something to someone else — well– to everyone else. As a life coach, I teach others to “detach” from what everyone else thinks of them. I thought I had that concept nailed down. In some ways I did. I had friends and family that weren’t happy with my decision to leave my church, but I left it anyways. But, in other ways, I still had an “image” I was trying to figure out. I wasn’t sure how I wanted others to view me. I put aside being the LDS girl. I didn’t go to church for about 2 years. When I moved into a new community, I was pulled to a non-denominational church. It was everything I needed at the time. I didn’t feel judged. I felt welcome. I loved participating in some of the programs they orchestrated, like Helping Hands and small groups. I ultimately became the non-denominational girl for about 6 years. I felt like I was being more accepted by others, and I was free from the label, Mormon Girl. I will always be grateful for that church and the people there. They helped my family heal from some brokenness we were feeling at the time. They are still helping many broken people, and they still do some really great things for the people in our community.

The LDS prophet, Gordon B. Hinkley said all those years ago, “Other churches have truth in them, but come and see that our church has more.” I discovered there were things I missed greatly while being inactive from my church. I missed the sacrament each week. I missed the hymnals. I missed the temple. I missed Priesthood blessings. I missed my core beliefs.

While I was receiving answers — many answers — I was still concerned with what others thought. What would people think of me? Would I lose my new friends in the non-denominational church? Will people think I’m wishy-washy? Do I really want to go back to the LDS church and be known as the Mormon girl again? Even though I would tell myself it didn’t matter what others thought about me, it still mattered to some degree. But, once I followed my own heart and briefly let go of what anybody else thought — at least long enough to seek out answers in the LDS church again — I was able to free myself from anyone else’s labels. I let go of how others viewed me. I’m okay with being me. I’m not perfect. I’m still seeking answers, and I probably will continue to seek answers for as long as I live. I absolutely know that I am a child of God. He loves me. His angels are always with me. They are also with you when you ask. It’s up to us to tune in and listen.

It’s important to ask the hard questions sometimes. Then, we must allow the answers to come. Sometimes they come in a blink of an eye. Other times, it may take a few years. All the while, we just need to follow our own hearts. There is no right or wrong way. There’s your path, and there’s mine. If we seek, we shall find. If we ask, we shall receive. If we knock, it shall be opened.

No matter what we do, or how good we are at anything, it has nothing to do with anybody outside of us. It has to do with how we view ourselves. It has to do with our identity as something bigger than we can even imagine. We are not what we’ve done. We are not what we haven’t done. We are not these bodies. We aren’t even our religion. We are not the avatars we’ve created for ourselves. When we really understand this…I mean REALLY understand this…we are liberated. We are free to be ourselves and experience life the way we were intended to live it — free, with joy, with peace, with happiness and sometimes sadness; but FREE to be ourselves. We shouldn’t feel divided based on our own paths. We are all connected in this beautiful world. I’m grateful for this life. And, by the way, people can call me whatever they like. I am the Mormon girl, (today I would be called the LDS girl). I am also a blogger, a business owner, a real estate investor, a mother, and now…I’m even a MiMi! The thing that matters most is that I’m free to be me; and I’m okay with being me.