Lost and Finding Joy

Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? That was a famous catchphrase inspired by Dr. Phil McGraw. It sticks with us because of the underlying truth of that statement. Being a right fighter is what causes disagreements, anger, fear, disgust, offensiveness, division, and all the ego stuff that can be described with words. What if you’re both right?

The poet Rumi said, “Out beyond ideas of right doing and wrong doing there is a field. I’ll meet you there.” We would all be happier and have more peace if we really understood the meaning of Rumi’s wisdom. We are not going to agree on everything. We all have different perspectives, different upbringings, different DNA. Things that make you happy and bring you peace, may not bring others happiness or peace. It took me a long time to really understand that everyone doesn’t want the same things.

We want to fit everyone into our own molds. We think everyone wants to experience the same things we want to experience. Shouldn’t everyone want a spouse? A good job or business? Loving relationships? A solid income, home, and family? Shouldn’t everyone want to spend time with their own family members? Shouldn’t everyone have the same morals and beliefs? After all, our belief is the right belief, right?

It’s difficult to let go of our opinions, especially when loved ones don’t seem to quite “get it.” Can’t they see that this would make them happy?

No. They can’t. And they may be right. What makes you happy, might not make them happy. They want to do what makes them feel secure. So do you. It might not be in the same ways. We’ve got to stop trying to convince everyone that we are right and they are wrong.

You may already understand this. You may already live and let live, but may still have conflict because the other person won’t allow you to live your truth. They insist on infringing on your right to be, do, and believe what you want. So, how can you be happy, letting them be right. Do you change for them?

No. If you live the way someone else wants you to live, you will not be happy. You might even be miserable trying to please everyone all the time. You have to live your truth to be happy. We must stand firm in our own beliefs, while letting others stand firm in theirs. Sometimes this means setting boundaries with others; and if they refuse to let you be you, it may mean letting them go. Letting go doesn’t mean you are angry at them. It doesn’t mean that you want them to act a certain way to be in your life either. It means that in order to live your own truth, your own peace — and to allow them to live theirs — you may need to wish them well and love them from a distance.

This life is too short for us to try to change everyone to match our beliefs. We want to be true to ourselves, while we allow others to be themselves. Sometimes it does mean setting boundaries, but we can love others despite the differences. We may not be able to physically connect here in this life because of some of the differences; but as Rumi says, “Out beyond the ideas of right doing and wrong doing, there is a field. I will meet you there.”