Lost and Finding Joy

Last night I had a dream that my 83 year old boss was in the hospital. Well, he’s not technically my boss anymore. He was my boss in 1997, almost 26 years ago. My heart is aching and tears are flowing down my cheeks as I write this. You see, he wasn’t just my boss. I’m sure you can reflect on people in your life who’ve made a significant difference. For me that was Harold; and at that time it was also Steve — my two bosses. They will probably never know how much they helped me. I believe God puts people in our lives to help us along our journeys. I believe God led me to both of them. They were my friends for a season, who left significant imprints for a lifetime.

I think it’s a great blessing to have people other than parents, (like a grandparent for example), show you that you are worthy of being loved out in the world. I’m not downplaying the importance of receiving love from a parent. I have seen people struggle when a parent is less than loving. I am eternally grateful for two incredible parents who continue to give me more unconditional love than I would probably deserve in 10 lifetimes; however, I also had my fair share of people out in the world who rejected me or used me and tossed me aside when they were done (or when I stopped allowing them to use me). I’m not trying to sound like a victim here. It’s all just a part of my personal journey.

I will forever be grateful for Harold and Steve coming into my life at a time I really needed them. I think they knew I was strong on the outside, but I was battered and beaten down on the inside. They lovingly took me in and placed me under their wings, and gave me the love and acceptance I critically needed at the time. They helped me feel worthy and capable of being loved out in the world. . . without strings attached. I am grateful for both of them.

Harold let me know that he would always be there for me, long after I worked for them. He assured me that if I ever needed anything…even if I needed to be bailed out of jail 😉 . . . all I had to do was pick up the phone and call him. I know people say things like that when they are saying goodbye and going on different paths, but somehow I knew he meant it.

I have picked up the phone several times over the past 26 years just to hear his voice and to feel his warmth and care. Thank you, Harold, for always being there and never turning your back on me. Thank you for never judging me or expecting anything from me. Thank you for the unconditional, loving friendship you offered me, when you weren’t required to be that. I’m not even in your bloodline, but you loved me anyway.

I’ll forever be grateful for both of you — Harold and Steve — for showing me that I had worth in this world. Thank you for offering me the comfort and security I desperately needed back in 1997. You’ll probably never fully understand — not in this lifetime anyways — the positive impact you had in my life and just how eternally grateful I am for both of you .

The dream I had last night felt all too real. I realize how temporary this life truly is. I just wanted to say, thank you, Harold; and thank you, Steve. Your friendship and unconditional acceptance will forever be imprinted in my heart. May you and your families be blessed beyond measure. . . and if you should ever need a thing from me . . . I hope you both already know . . . I will always be here for you too. Until we meet again. . . may be we can do lunch again soon ;).