Lost and Finding Joy

Dammit, life is short. Almost 53 years of my own life have passed. 53 YEARS. Holding on to people or things that don’t give us life is really dumb.

Why do I feel so damn guilty for the things I do, AND for things other people do? Seriously. When someone makes bad decisions, and they end up in a bad place, or worse, they die . . . why do I feel responsible? For example, when someone died who worked for me, I felt responsible. I’d say things like, maybe I shouldn’t have fired them. If I hadn’t fired them, maybe they’d still be alive. When one of my ex-husband’s brothers died, I thought maybe if I hadn’t divorced my ex-husband, he’d still be alive today. When someone died that lived in one of my apartments, I thought, I probably shouldn’t have let them live there because they were isolated and I knew they were getting over a drug problem. I know that sounds crazy, but I also know that the way we live our lives affect the people around us. After all my favorite Christmas movie is It’s a Wonderful Life.

I just need to remember everyone is ultimately responsible for their own life, even though I don’t take my own actions lightly. I know I am not perfect. I know I make mistakes. We all do. That’s how we learn.

They say, failure is feedback. That’s what it is. We live. We learn. We grow. Thank God we aren’t held accountable for all the screw ups along the way as far as God is concerned. We just need to believe and trust in our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. We learn from our mistakes and we strive to be better.

They say CHANGE the things we can and ACCEPT the things we can’t. It’s the wisdom to know the difference that I’m working on.

I give up trying to fix everyone’s problems.

I give up dwelling on my imperfections.

I give up trying to help people who refuse to help themselves.

I give up trying to change the past.

I accept that I can only do my part, and other’s have the responsibility to do theirs.

I accept that I am imperfect, and I strive to be better every day in every way.

I accept that I can only help people who are willing to help themselves.

I accept my past and am grateful for the lessons I’ve learned and for the wisdom I’ve gained.

I am grateful for this life and for the journey of living, learning, and becoming better as we gain knowledge and wisdom along the way.

As far as all the guilt, fear, negative behaviors, negative reactions, things that don’t give me life…I give all that to God. I give up.