Lost and Finding Joy

The quote, “It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see,” by Henry David Thoreau, keeps popping in my head. We can look at the same thing, and interpret it in different ways. I’m sure you’ve heard the glass half empty, half full scenario. We can look at a situation and see it in various ways as well.

Looking back through my life, I can see some recurring lessons that have been difficult, but important for me to learn.

We are all fortunate to be here on our unique journeys, navigating life in the real world. I call it the real world because of an experience I had while being under anesthesia during a simple ear surgery several years ago. While I was under I found myself surrounded by what I describe as “light beings.” They didn’t have flesh or any distinct features, but I knew them. I can’t recall now who they were, but I knew them and loved them. I can’t tell you exactly what we were communicating, but I can tell you that the communication was not with words. It wasn’t from my head either. It came more from the heart area. During this relay of information, I could feel unconditional love on a level I don’t believe we can feel here. As I communicated with them, I recall giving them information about what people were doing here. I don’t remember about whom I was giving them information, but I know they were very interested in how certain people were doing with their life experiences. There was no judgement at all. It felt like they were more interested in where they were along their journey; but that it was simply a place along each of their journeys.

I don’t remember saying goodbye, or being sent back or anything. I just remember waking from this experience saying, “No, no. The real world sucks.” Obviously, I didn’t want to leave that place of unconditional love and knew this life wasn’t easy. I remember a nurse or someone there asking me what I said as I was waking. I didn’t repeat it. I was still kind of out of it.

It took me some time to really process what I had experienced. I didn’t mention it or even recall it until some time later. That experience helped me realize that we are loved beyond our comprehension and that this life is simply a journey we are experiencing. What we learn along the way, and the people we help, is what truly matters.

I know that I have missed opportunities to help people who have entered my life. I know that I’ve screwed up big time on some things as well. I am not pleased with the fact that I’m divorced and my children have had to deal with the consequences of my decisions. The crazy thing is, I can’t say that I’d do it any differently knowing what I know now. I wouldn’t have three of my children had I not screwed up and married the wrong person. I don’t think the answer would’ve been to stay married to the wrong person either. What I know for sure is that I learned from it, and that’s all I know.

I realize I can’t always make decisions that might look like it would be best for everyone involved. There are decisions we must make in this real world where someone will not be happy with the results or may even be hurt. I guess there’s real truth when it’s said that we can only please some of the people some of the time. If I could please everyone all the time, I would happily take that option. Life just wasn’t designed that way.

Maybe we learn more by getting it wrong sometimes. The lessons from getting it wrong can be extremely difficult and even painful, but we can certainly learn and grow from them. Maybe that’s what this real world is all about.

Yes, I was right. This real world can suck sometimes — However, now when I look at it, what I can see is that this real world is actually a very beautiful place. I believe we agreed to come here to learn things on a level that we can only learn through experience. After all, if someone tried to describe to us what it’s like to swim in a lake, or to feel cold ice cream on our lips, or how it feels to be rejected and feel inadequate; there’s only so far that knowledge would take us without actually experiencing it.

I am grateful for my life and all of the experiences I’ve had. I know I will take this knowledge with me; and that one day, when our journey here is finished, we will return to immense unconditional love and acceptance on even greater levels beyond what we can see or feel in this real world.