Lost and Finding Joy

I am reminded often of the effects of dealing with people who want to control and manipulate others. The more dangerous ones have mastered their techniques and can fool the most vigilant people who’ve already been affected by this personality type. I feel it’s important to include this message in this blog, because you can feel lost and drained emotionally when dealing with a narcissist. It can be extremely challenging to truly understand that some don’t want to play nice in the sandbox. Not only do they not want to play nice — they want to dominate the sandbox.

I want to start by saying that I am not pointing fingers at the narcissist, or saying anyone is better than the other. Everyone wants to feel secure in this life, and although it is twisted, distorted, and yes, sometimes evil; I feel sorry for not only the victims of this toxic behavior; but I feel sorry for the narcissist. They are their own worst enemy. They lack humility, trust, love, and faith. Those traits are what drives humanity and makes life truly worth living. The narcissist is chasing security, control and power. Their lives are based on an illusion, which is temporary and fleeting. They build their houses upon sand and when the storms come, their houses fall; and they have to build them again.

Regardless of how I feel about narcissists, it’s important to protect yourself. Knowledge about this personality is like shining a light in darkness. Truth is light. A narcissist will distort the truth and rewrite history to protect the lies they’ve told themselves. They lie so they don’t have to be accountable for their own results. They blame others. They go out of their way to dismantle anyone they perceive is standing in their way. If they can’t control you, they will go on a smear campaign to keep you from exposing them. They don’t care who they hurt. They don’t care if they damage your reputation. They don’t care if you are at rock bottom. They only care about their own needs — which is to feel secure, powerful and in control.

Knowing this on a surface level is not enough to protect you from the narcissist, especially if you are an empath or people pleaser. If you want everyone to like you, you will be their victim. There will always be some who will not like you. Our Savior, Jesus Christ, is the perfect example of this. What did he do to have so many enemies? They say it’s a 1/3, 1/3, 1/3 world. Hopefully, one-third of the people will love you, however, one-third will also hate or dislike you, and one-third won’t care about whether you even exist or not. If you are going to be empowered, and resistant to the narcissist, you must really grasp this. Focus on the third of the people who love you, and learn to love yourself. We are here for a very short amount of time in comparison to eternity. Accept that you won’t have the knowledge and skills to be perfect in this lifetime. Just do the best you can and strive to do good. That’s all that matters.

One of the narcissists tactics is love-bombing. At first they may appear charming and interested in you. If you lack self-love, this can be a dangerous trap. You may appreciate it, but just don’t lean on their approval of you. Don’t allow your identity to be entangled in their wooing. Support from others can be important, but always stand strong in your own identity while allowing others to interact with you. Love them while protecting yourself. Don’t give anyone else your power, other than God.

Don’t compromise who you are for what they want. They will use that against you by isolating you from others. They will accuse others of not understanding you, or being like you. They will try to fully infiltrate your life. Once they feel like they have enough control over you, they will stop the love-bombing. They will begin to withhold a certain amount of approval or attention. If you are in their trap, you will begin to seek more approval from them, trying to get back to when the love-bombing started. This will be in vain. They won’t allow you the satisfaction of being fully accepted by them again. They have you where they want you. Your only resolve is to take your power back and leave, or set strong boundaries.

It is important to understand that not everyone is the same. When I was younger, I thought that even if everyone didn’t want to play nice in the sandbox, they at least cared if someone was hurt or sad. I’ve learned over the years, that some people really do not care about others — at all. They can hurt them, even destroy them, and still sleep just fine at night. They don’t have a conscious. They don’t have empathy. They thrive on drama and emotionally extorting others. Once they have gotten what they want from you, they will discard you — like an old pair of socks. Surface knowledge of this is not enough to protect the empath’s well-being. I, for one, have had to really study this personality.

My intention of this post, is to point you in the right direction, by shining a light on the fact that not everyone wants to play nice in the sandbox. It’s up to you to take your power back from the narcissist. You can do this by increasing your knowledge, increasing your faith; and by discovering more about your true identity and building your house upon the rock.

~Many blessings to you and yours.