Lost and Finding Joy

Emotions can be difficult sometimes. We put our 20 year old cat to sleep the other day. It was time, but it was one of the hardest decisions I’ve made so far in my life. For 20 years (two lifetimes, as my Dad calls it), she’s been a daily part of our lives. She was rapidly declining and I didn’t want to see her suffer anymore. She was full of love, had a strong spirit, and was a fighter. She couldn’t eat much anymore. She was starving herself to death. Her little organs were shutting down. She walked with a limp and she was skin and bones. It was a matter of time, and I didn’t want her to suffer any longer. I miss her. I miss seeing her every morning when I wake. She used to meow at me until I came to feed her. She was very persistent! I loved her greeting me every morning. It’s almost like she was calling, “Mom” when she meowed. She stopped doing that the past month or so. She couldn’t get around very well. She used to hear me coming. Eventually, I would be in the same room, and she’d sleep right through it. She used to jump on my desk while I was working. She blocked my view of the computer, as if to say, “Stop working and pay attention to me.” I miss her.

I know what you’re probably thinking. She’s in a better place. She’s probably running free with other pets she outlived. I had four dogs pass that she outlived — Cotton, Cooki, Rouge, and Andy. I pray she is running with them and telling them what’s been going on here since they’ve been gone.

Death (Loss) has a sting. We’ve lost my mother-in-law and my brother-in law within a few years of each other. I’m sure many of you have lost loved ones. We all know that this life is temporary. Even though we know this, sometimes it just doesn’t make it any easier. We miss them. We know we will see them again, but we miss them here.

Grief is unpredictable. You’re going along just fine, then a myriad of emotions can show up out of nowhere. Holidays, like yesterday (Mother’s Day), can provoke those emotions. It’s important to allow ourselves to feel those emotions when they show up. We don’t want to stay stuck there. We want to let them pass through. There are a couple of songs by Hilary Weeks, that describes this perfectly. I will attach the YouTube link at the end of this blog. One is called, “Just Let Me Cry,” and one is called, “This Is Not Your Home.” Just feel the emotions, and then let them pass.

I know one day I will be gone from here too. I’ll be reunited with loved ones. Yes, even Miss Kitty will be there, along with the rest of my fur babies. I believe that with my whole heart. I’m pretty sure they will be there waiting on me before anyone else. I felt their unconditional love. I wasn’t the best dog mom or cat mom, but I believe they also felt my unconditional love for them.

I believe that family members and friends will be there for us as we pass to the other side. . . even if we didn’t get along with them all that great here on this side of the veil. I had a spiritual experience when I had an ear surgery years ago. In that experience, I was in a place, surrounded by others. There was absolutely no judgment at all for anything. There was a powerful feeling that can only be described here as unconditional love. Throughout the experience that love consumed every part of me. In that place you have no explaining to do. There’s an all-knowing. In that place we are really home. This place is just a temporary place we come to learn and grow and experience. I’m in no hurry to get back home though. I still have a lot of life to live here. I have much more to do and to learn.

To my cat, Miss Kitty, I love you. One day, if you don’t find me first, I will find you and see you again.

~Many blessings to you and yours.