Lost and Finding Joy

I had an epiphany over Easter weekend that shocked me. I’m just going to say it. I’ve been around narcissists most of my life. I’m not looking for empathy, for two reasons. One, I’m okay with it because It’s made me who I am. My personal dealings with this personality is simply the journey that was set for my life. Two, I’m pretty sure if you’re not a narcissist, you’ve had to deal with at least one in your life.

Through the decades, I’ve learned a lot about how to deal with, (or not deal with), narcissists. I started writing a book about it more than 20 years ago. At that time, I had a lot of anger about it, and there was a lot of cussing involved. 🙂 I never finished or published it. I hadn’t heard of the term, “narcissist.” The common term for someone who manipulated, lacked empathy or didn’t have remorse, was called a sociopath or psychopath. Regardless, we can lose our identity when we try to get along with a person like this.

My weekend epiphany was realizing that by setting necessary boundaries, (really strong ones), I had lost an important piece of myself. I had unknowingly become jaded. I have been pushing everyone away, except for my family, for the past few years. I have good reason. The final straw was being manipulated by a covert narcissist. She infiltrated my life, and I allowed it for 4-5 years. I couldn’t believe it. I had already had experience with narcissists by this time. She was/is very good at her craft. She had me convinced she too had been a victim of multiple narcissists. She prevented me from forming connections with new people I encountered. She manipulated her way into being there whenever I had plans with anyone else. I finally woke up. Her true colors were revealed when I did something she had no control over. I started training to become a life coach. She did her best to talk me out of it — not because she had my best interest at heart, (of course she tried convincing me that’s what it was), but because she had no control over it. She couldn’t stand it. Narcissists can’t stand losing control. She went on the notorious smear campaign that all narcissists go on when they lose control of you. She lied and smeared and lied and smeared. By this point, I just threw my hands up. I didn’t care what she said or who believed her. I had been through this too many times before.

Now I feel like I’ve shed layers of walls I built around myself for protection. I’m grateful for the epiphany. I leaned on labeling myself as an introvert a little too much. I haven’t been giving enough of my time, attention, or friendship to others — up until now. It’s true we all have to set necessary boundaries with narcissists. We just want to be careful not to shut out everyone else in the process. We must give to receive. I teach this law all the time. I didn’t realize I’d stopped giving. That was not my intention. I’m turning over a new leaf, and I am taking the added knowledge, experience, and wisdom with me this time. I feel lighter and freer.